What is it that is wrong?

Its not a punishment! Its not hell! It is my life, a gift from God, then why is it all so complicated? Then why is it so that I am not able to convince myself to be happy?When I smile I feel that its fake, like I am doing myself a favor. When I cry, because I miss my very special someone, I feel like I have no right to happiness, that I don’t deserve to be loved. I have no idea why i beget such feelings within me.

My mother says at this age I should be all active and happy and content with what I have. But clearly I feel lonely. Sometimes I sit by myself and get lost into thoughts. And hours pass by without me realizing what the time is. I feel like a bottle of emotions trying to fizz but, but has been sealed. I feel  like this girl screaming in a crowd, waiting to be heard, but no one is listening to me. NO ONE.

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